


Ashtray Heart

by screamingatthesettingsun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coffee Shops, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Phanfiction, YouTube, alternative universe, youtuber!Phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-29 17:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6386122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamingatthesettingsun/pseuds/screamingatthesettingsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell had moved away from his hometown to start fresh, there are too many painful memories back, and doesn't think he can find a best friend again. After losing someone very important to him, two years later he meets a man at a coffee shop. Everything seems perfect, new best friend, new memories, and maybe he can move on... that is until he finds out Phil is a youtuber.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Same Barista, New Cafe

Chapter 1:

Daniel Howell:

I couldn’t find work for the longest time, I spent a couple of months trying to find anything that could work to my advantage, in truth I decided to move to London just two months ago. Being a drop out from college doesn’t always allow you to get the best jobs right away, and plus not knowing anyone doesn’t help at all. I could be a barista, like I was in my hometown, but I wanted to try something new, and exciting, because damn I can be exciting!  
“Howell! One order of caramel macchiato for Monica!”  
Not interesting enough.  
“Coming right up Aaron” I replied as my hands began to work. Not like that perverts. I’ve been a barista for a good portion of my working life. Meaning four years of my life was dedicated to serve drinks to others. It’s better than serving drugs to others… though that does pay better.  
“Caramel macchiato for Monica, ready!” I hollered as I set the drink down on the counter, as I waited for my next order. I don’t mind working as a barista, since I don’t work at a Starbucks, it’s not usually busy. Instead of rush hours in the afternoon where everyone is on their break, we have about three people pop up. Mornings can get a bit rough- or at least that’s what I heard, since I don’t usually work mornings. And evenings run smoothly, more people come in, but at that point we have like four people working on the floor which doesn’t add too much stress. Aaron patted my back two times, meaning I get my break now, I nodded before I went to sit in my usual seat in the corner next to the window.  
Funny. I have my “usual seat” after two months, I’m pathetic. I chuckled slightly to myself as I pulled out my new phone, almost everything I own now is new. I went on to my new Twitter page, and began to type something, I don’t know what yet but my fingers seem to have thought of an idea.

  
_Would it be bad if I started giving all the costumers nicknames, instead of their names written on their cups??_

  
I mean the thought did cross my mind a few times, but I wasn’t that adventures really.  
“Hey Howell, do you want a slice of pizza? Margret forgot I was a vegetarian” he chuckled as we waved a pepperoni and cheese pizza in front of my face. I chuckled as I shook my head at her forgetfulness and took the slice. Aaron grinned at that and went back behind the counter pulling up his phone as there was no customers waiting. Aaron was nice, I decided that within the first week of me working here, so far Aaron and Louise were the only two I did care for. While chewing on the pizza, I wondered if I should call my mum, I haven’t talked to her for quite a while now and felt guilty. After thinking about it for 10 minutes, I decided against it again, and finished the slice of pizza. She was the one yelling at me that I did something wrong, and drove Anya away. My teeth gritted slightly at the thought of her name. I shook my head and walked behind the counter in my spot and began to hum to “18 and Life” before Aaron ruined my thoughts.  
“White Mocha for Phil”  
I looked up seeing a man with pale skin, blue eyes, and black hair. His hair style was a fringe, just like mine, and- holy shit. He was as tall as me! Jesus, we’re giants, I chuckled at the thought and began to work on his drink.  
“No. No Peej! I didn’t mean that- no it’s that you could have said something cooler! Like Phil Striker, doesn’t that sound cool? What’s wrong with the name Striker? I could be a Striker” oh man this guy could be a 12 year old, he was pouting because his friend didn’t agree he was a “Striker”? That’s too funny, I grinned at that, and tuned out “Phil’s” conversation on the phone just as I was about to put the drink on the counter I called “Striker!”  
At that, Phil stopped his conversation and looked over at me, but I already pulled out my phone trying to hide my smirk. I saw him take his drink saying a small “thank you”, and continued back to his conversation on the phone before walking away.  
“I didn’t know you swing that way” spoke Aaron still not looking up from his phone.  
Something snapped in me. I am not gay. I don’t like boys. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. Just that thought brought my whole life down, making me move and come here. It ruined my perfect relationship.  
“I’m fucking straight”

 

 

*Hi everyone! I hopped you like the first chapter! (And my first Phanfic) I know it's short, but I was hoping this could be the "intro" and some teasers of what's going to happen, or some backstory kinda. Let me know if you guys liked it :)


	2. Achievement: New Friend Complete

Chapter 2:

Daniel Howell:

“Dan? That guy is back” whispered Lou to Dan, as he was on his phone, he looked up quickly and saw Phil walk in again. He’s been coming here a lot lately, so far two weeks since his encounter with him calling him “Striker”. I raised an eyebrow slightly before closing Tumblr and turning to Lou who smirked at him.  
“Well we do have a lot of regular customers Lou” she rolled her eyes before going to the cashier to take his order, even though I already knew his order, so I began to start on his drink before he even said it.  
“Two white mocha’s for Striker!”  
I smirked at the name, but faltered a little, two? I already started on just one. Ugh. Stupid Dan. I groaned slightly as began to make the second drink separately instead of together because of my screw up.  
“Striker!” I called, he chuckled as I smiled at him, we haven’t had a normal conversation yet, just some smiles here and there, and also the fact that he started ordering for “striker” instead of Phil. I handed him his two drinks before I pulled out my phone again and went on Tumblr. I was pretty much engrossed already, until I heard a small cough. I looked up and saw Phil handing me his other drink. I raised an eyebrow at him, why is he giving me his other drink?  
“She didn’t show?” I asked bluntly, cause that’s the only reason I could come up with since he’s handing me his other drink. But I guess that wasn’t it, since he shook his head and was now sporting a blush.  
“I-um no… it’s just um, you looked tired and I thought a drink might help” he stuttered as he began to blush deeper, awe poor guy, he probably doesn’t talk to people a lot, at least we have something in common.  
“Oh. Well thanks mate” I nodded at him giving him a small smile and took the drink. I held the drink up, waiting for him to follow my lead. Once he did, I said “Cheers” and began to drink my work. He smiled back at me before opening his mouth to say something until Lou interrupted him yelling at me, “One chocolate chip frappe for Julie!” I gave Phil a short nod before tucking away my phone and started to make the drink. I heard a sigh before the shadow left, weird. I continued to hum “Black Parade” and got this drink done.  
“Dan, that Striker guy, I’m pretty sure has a crush on you” I spluttered out the white mocha, and gave her a “what the actual fuck lou?” look.  
“The guy was just being a good mate” I shrugged at her and throwing my drink away.  
“I don’t think so Dan… I mean he stuttered, blushed, and I mean come on he’s cute too-“  
“I’m straight Lou”  
She faltered after I snapped at her and began to wipe away my hands on my apron. I gave her a small glare, and went to the back room.  
“I’m sorry Dan, I didn’t know that you –“  
“That I was straight? Cause I am! I’m not gay Lou”  
“-were against it”  
I mean I’m not. I don’t mind it, but I know I am not. I sighed before pushing my fingers through my hair and looked at her.  
“I’m not. I don’t care if someone is gay or not, just know this Lou. That I am not gay” I muttered and took off my apron before I closed the door behind me and walked through the shop.  
\--  
The next couple of days, I’ve noticed Phil trying to catch my attention by trying to start a conversation. I didn’t question it too much, because I was in need of a friend. It was nice, he would mention, I like  
“My Chemical Romance” too, or is that song from Muse? Or have you watched Attack on Titan? And so on, I found out that we had a lot in common, and I was actually looking forward to talk to him again. Wow go me, making friends and all.  
I mean it was great, and I actually did start to notice him, and started to look out for his black fringe. But it started to get kinda weird on some days, where he would be blushing too much, or kept staring at me sometimes.  
“Hey, Phil?” I asked as he took his drink off the counter, he looked up and motioned for me to continue as he sat on one of the stools from the bar.  
“Yes Howell?” with that I furrowed my eyebrows, as he cracked a smile and saw his tongue poking out. “You never told me your first name, I only ever hear Howell from your co-workers” he explained as he took a sip of his drink.  
“Oh” I blushed slightly, wow Dan, once you think you found a friend, you find out he doesn’t even know his name! “Um… my name is Dan”  
“Okay. Yes Daniel?”  
“I don’t give you permission to call me that Phillip”  
Phil chuckled at that as he continued to take a sip of his coffee, waiting for Dan to respond.  
“Anyway, I figured we are in good enough terms to exchange numbers- well at least now since you know my name” smirked Dan putting his elbows down on the counter, don’t screw this up. At that statement though, Phil brightened as he clumsily took out his phone.  
“Oh! Oh, yeah of course, here just add yourself in” he blushed as he handed his phone over, almost dropping it in the process, Dan chuckled under his breath he is so awkward. After they exchanged numbers, Phil had to leave and waved outside before disappearing into the crowed.  
“So when’s the wedding?” smirked Louise who watched the whole thing unfold before her eyes, and instead of Dan snapping at her, he actually blushed.  
“Shut up Lou”  
Louise noticed the lack of defense, and softly smiled not wanting to pressure more into it fearing he will be defensive again.  
\--  
“How are you so good at this!”  
I laughed at Phil’s whine as I raced him past the finished line, with that I carefully threw the controller on the couch and did another victory dance. Next thing I know I am being pelted by pillows, I groaned slightly as I was pushed on the ground and was covered in pillows. I kicked Phil in the stomach I guess because I heard a groan and had a grown man was laying on top of me.  
“Ugh, Phil get off” I huffed before pushing him off, I sat up and saw him laying on a few pillows while he glared at me.  
“I invite you to my house, and you beat me at Mario Kart, what kind of guest are you?” he pouted before digging his head on the pillows, I rolled my eyes at him before getting up and walking over to the kitchen.  
“Well sor-ry! But I didn’t know you would be such a sore loser! Anyway, I am an excellent guest” I laughed as I grabbed a slice of pizza.  
He rolled his eyes at me before snatching back my pizza and he took a bite himself. I glared at him deciding I didn’t even want the pizza anymore before just lying down on his couch.  
“So why did you decide to move to London?” I turned to him wondering how he even knew I moved and didn’t live here all my life?  
“How did you know I moved here?”  
He blushed slightly at that and scratched the back of his head. “Oh well, I mean I didn’t- but – uh.. I just I mean I never saw you work there before so….” He began to stumble, I chuckled before throwing a pillow at him.  
“You’re such a sprok. Yeah I moved here about two months ago, I didn’t want to stay in Manchester for very long”  
“You lived in Manchester? I did too! How you liking London then?”  
“Haven’t really seen much to be honest, too busy getting settled in and working” I responded, he gave me a look but shrugged his shoulders.  
“Alright, but London is such a great place! I’ll have to give you a tour sometime” he responded with a smile, his tongue was sticking out slightly. I chuckled shaking my head as he literally lit up, he gave me a look as I began to laugh more. How did I end up getting a friend like him?  
“Yeah sure, I’d like that”


	3. Not Letting Go

 

“Phil right on time- wait is it raining out?”

I looked up and realized that Phil was soaking wet, with only a t-shirt on, black skinny jeans and soggy shoes. His hair was pressed against his forehead, and there was no more fringe, but all his hair pressed in front of his face, and a couple of strands sticking up/out. Woah… wait, is that a twig? I gave him an amused look as I shook my head, he looked up and started to blush as he tried to rinse himself (his t-shirt).

“Oh no. It’s sunny outside, there’s flowers blooming, blue sky’s and overall a fantastic day” he spat as he made his way over to the bar area, skipping the cashier line. This is not common anymore, since he’s been doing this for the past month now. I did wonder about the sarcasm and anger though… he’s a bundle of joy really.

“What’s with the sour attitude mate?” I asked him as I started to make his drink, no one else was on the floor so it was just me, Aaron was in the back probably making orders, and there was only two other people in the café.

“Sorry it’s been a long day” he sighed as he started to try and dry his hair with his fingers, which didn’t really go well since they just kinda dripped down, I raised an eyebrow at him, “Care to elaborate?”

He sighed as he took his drink from my hand and sat down on one of the bar stools. “Well I went to work, and I was already running late, like 20 minutes late right? Then I messed up the buttons, I managed to play the wrong song –twice. And I was busy at home afterwards and wanted to sleep, but I figured I might come to the one place I am always happy” he rambled, with occasionally sipping his cup of coffee.

“Awe yay I’m your number one” I sarcastically gushed, he rolled his eyes but blushed slightly, I smiled at his innocence, and leaned over the counter.

“Shut up” he muttered, but it was obviously weak since he didn’t even look at my eyes. He began to start shivering though and moved around. I bit my lip realizing his must’ve been freezing.

“Hold on a sec” I muttered as I went back to get my backpack, I had an extra sweater in there, and a pair of sweatpants since I was going to crash at Lou’s tonight.

“Ey Dan, Boss said we can lock up early tonight” Aaron said as he was poking around the computer probably faxing stuff.

“Awesome” I stated and rummaged through my backpack, I took out the extra cloths and walked out of the room. “Here ya go Phil” I threw the clothes at him over the counter, Phil caught it was his hands and stared down at them.

“What’s this?” he asked as he started to open up the folded sweater. I shrugged my shoulders and felt oddly scared at his reaction. Is this too personal? Like we have known each other for two months now, but that doesn’t consider us best friend’s right? I mean he’s pretty much my best friend… but am I his? Shit I didn’t think this through, I mean I can’t just assume, shit.

“Dan? Dan? Dan!” I blinked and saw him waving his hand in front of me, I blushed slightly as I saw him raising an eyebrow. “You’re thinking too much again” he chuckled before standing up. “I was just asking where can I change” 

“Oh. Um in the back, there’s an employee bathroom you can use”

“Thanks Dan” he smiled before walking to the back, I muttered “No problem” and avoided his eyes. Why am I acting all shy? That’s not me, I groaned slightly rubbing my face with my hands.

“Umm Dan? There’s a guy in the Employee’s bathroom with your clothes”

“Yup”

“Oh”

There was an awkward silence left between us, I know what he was thinking, or what he was going to ask, “are you guys dating?” and what surprised me, was the fact I first thought “kinda” even though I know we weren’t.

“Hey Dan, do you think I can gave a plastic bag for my clothes?”

I turned around and saw Phil wearing my sweatpants and my black sweater, his hair was dryer, and he did look warmer.

“Oh yeah sure-“

“Oh no Daniel, let me go get the plastic bag for your _friend”_ smirked Aaron as he left the room, but not before patting Phil’s back. Phil made an “o” face, before he stumbled forward and blushed at his embarrassment.

“You look um good” I stuttered slightly, wow Dan that is so awkward. You look good? Really?

“Oh! Thanks, umm pretty sure you would look better on them”

“Are you suggesting for me to strip and take my clothes off you?”

“What”

Phil and I turned our heads and saw Aaron there beet read with a plastic bag on his right hand.

“Oh no-that’s not what he meant-“

“You didn’t hear the rest of the conversation Aaron” I sighed, he grinned before shaking his head.

“I don’t think I want to know the rest of the story” I rolled my eyes at him, before grabbing Phil’s hand and pulled him towards the door.

“Where do you think you’re going Howell?”

“I’m clocking out, bye Aaron” I yelled over my shoulder and took Phil out of the café.

“Umm Dan… you left your bag back there… and it’s raining”

“Fuck”

I just realized that it was absolutely pouring, and pulled Phil’s hand tighter, I began to run towards my flat, and heard Phil yelling behind me. I began to laugh at the fact how ridiculous this is, and just as I was about to stop, I realized that Phil was laughing too, and man, his laugh, yeah his laugh made me laugh too. It was simple as that, us in the fucking pouring rain, laughing, and running towards my building.

Once we made it to my building, I opened the door, and we began to silently walk up to my flat. Once we made it inside safely, and not really dry, we instantly began to laugh all over again.

“You left everything back there” cracked up Phil as he collapsed on my sofa, I chuckled and tried to push him off.

“Get off my sofa you idiot, you’re getting it all wet” I lectured, he rolled his eyes but still got up.

“I’m going to have to borrow another pair of clothes” he said looking sheepish. I rolled my eyes but nodded my head and went to my room. I picked up some more comfy clothes, and began to strip myself first to change, after I finished changing to more dryer clothes with the help of my towel, I went back out and saw Phil switching channels on the TV. And I actually couldn’t stop staring, my clothes were pressed against him, like another layer of skin, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I’m not going to lie, he is attractive, but beyond that, these past two months I realized he is smart –meaning he gives me random facts, we share a lot of similarities, he tends to have a bounce in his step, and is always positive.

“Oh thanks Dan”

I blinked and realized he now faced me taking the towel and clothes out of my hands. I silently gave them to him, he raised an eyebrow again, and was about to ask another question.

And I don’t know what the hell I did next.

Like how the hell did I even what?

“Oof”

My arms were wrapped around him, and Phil’s hands/arms were squished underneath me still holding the clothes. I buried my head I the crook of his neck, not letting go. Too scared to see his reaction, and too paralyzed in the fact how much I love this. Feeling his warmth, and just this close of interaction. After a while I guess Phil realized I wasn’t going to let go, and he dropped the clothes, wiggling his arms a little, which I though he was going to push me away. So I dropped my arms and started to take a step back. That is until I was pulled right back in.

Arms wrapped around me, and now I was shocked, HIS head was buried in the crook of my neck, HIS arms were grasping onto my shirt, and even though I was dry and he was wet, I didn’t care. I don’t care that I will have wash a ton load of laundry. I wrapped my own arms around him, and there we were.

Two grown men, hugging like we were never going to see each other again. I don’t know what that meant. I don’t know if it was because I needed contact. I don’t know if were are still friends. I didn’t ruin everything since he hugged back. But like is this going to be awkward? This is my first proper best friend since-

Fuck.

I held on tighter, I’m pretty sure I was hurting him now. Badly. But all these thoughts, worries, memories and I just needed someone.

“Dan?”

My name. My fucking name. That was the last thing I heard from my mother’s list since I last called her, the last thing I heard from my professor after I left uni, it was also the last thing I heard from my best friend.

“Dan. Shut up”

“Phil I didn’t -“

“You’re thinking too loudly. I can hear you through the storm”

Storm? Oh it’s storming outside. I guess he is right.

That didn’t mean I let him go that night.


	4. Clear

Dan Howell: 

 

“Dan are you going to tell me why you were upset about yesterday?”

I heard his voice, it felt distant, even though his hand was attached to my hand. His thumb kept rubbing the inside of my palm, I guess he was trying to comfort me, but it didn’t feel like comfort, it felt like a distraction. And as much as a distraction would be pleasant right about now, I just needed to focus. Because right now my whole vision a blur, my memories are a blur, I’m a blur, he’s a blur, the door is a blur, every god damn thing is a blur. Except for her. No. She’s not a blur, she’s sharp, I can see everything clear about her. She makes sense. I don’t. That was how I relationship was for as long as I remember. She made sense, and well, I was a mess. She knew everything, she was calm, and bright, she knew what she wanted to do with her life, but I never felt like I was dragging her down. I mean I didn’t, not until she showed me I was.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. I won’t make you….but Dan, you really scared me yesterday, I mean, you didn’t even acknowledged Aaron when he came to drop off your bag, or Lou who called you like fifty times wondering where you were”

“I’m sorry”

“And-“he stopped what he was going to say again. I did feel bad, I felt bad for Aaron to take the extra time in his day to come drop something off for me because I was stupid to leave my stuff. I felt bad for Lou for bailing on our plans that we made. I felt bad for Phil, for me dragging him here, welcoming him gladly to my problems, as if I wanted him to understand-

“You aren’t sorry”

“What?”

What did he mean I’m not sorry? I am! I’ve always been sorry about my mistakes.

“I mean- SIGH- you don’t have to be sorry. You really shouldn’t, I just want to know if you are alright. I know we have only known each other for like two months, but you’re my best friend. And if I’m your best friend, fantastic, but if not I understand, I just want you to know I consider you my best friend and the face- oh”

And once again here I am with the hugging. I bounced on top of him from the couch, and acted like a koala bear, as I wrapped myself over him again. It’s been two years since I had a proper best friend. And to know this isn’t like a one sided relationship, I know for sure now, that my life is going somewhere. That I have someone else again, and things are going to be okay, might be a couple of years, or two weeks, but the fact that I have someone by my side again, I know I’m not doing anything wrong.

“I guess hugging is good. Yup. That’s good. We are hugging buddies now”

“I swear I thought you were going to say fuck buddies for a second”

“What!? No, no no no, I didn’t mean. Daaaaaaan”

Once he figured out that I was laughing at him for being so innocent, and shy as he blushed he realized I was just messing around with him. He rolled his eyes, and pushed me off him as he took the blanket off of us and decided to lay it just on top of me. Why did he put the blanket only on top of me? Is he angry? Is leaving? Maybe he thinks that this is too awkward or something, of I fuck things up, just as things were getting better….

“Do you like scrambled or fried for your eggs?”

What.

I blinked once to let him know I heard what he said, but I don’t understand. Where is he going to get eggs? Is he going down to the store? Is he just going to steal my eggs? Oh. He might be implying that he wanted to cook breakfast.

“Scrambled my good sir”

Did that sounded casual enough? I sure hope it did and I buried my head under my pillow, and hopped that was all that he needed since I lived for those awkward moments. And for some reason, life was on my side, and I heard the door closed softly. Once I heard the footsteps disappearing, I threw off the covers, and placed my hands over my face letting out a loud groan.

What are you doing Dan? Making your friend make you breakfast?

Oh wait.

He’s not your friend, he’s your best friend. So damn right he has the right to make you breakfast.

I chuckled softly, as I decided I should probably face the world, and threw my legs over to the side of the bed, and placed my feet on the ground. Okay, Dan, just pull yourself off, and face the day. Carpe Diem as they would say. With that last thought in my mind, I smiled and got up going straight to the closet. Throwing my shirt off my body, I placed another black shirt over my head, and started to peel off my black skinny jeans. Oh… gross, how was I even able to sleep with skinny jeans on? I scrunched up my nose, and decided trainers are for today. Now comes the brutal part, looking at the mirror. Well it was not a pretty sight at all. I groaned at the thought of Phil seeing me like this, it’s not like I want to impress him, but do I feel comfortable enough to not pamper myself up?

Oh wait.

He’s not my friend, he’s my best friend. I grinned at the thought, and realized that I don’t have to worry, that strangeness is now not supposed to be a problem anymore. The unfamiliarity is gone, and it’s like a marriage right, he’s going to have to suffer with dealing with me. I chuckled at the thought thinking it was amusing, until I realized it wasn’t. He has gotten into a huge mess, I can’t be someone’s best friend, I shouldn’t be someone’s significant figure, and I can’t even be someone else’s son. I clenched my jaw at the thought, and realized that I really am useless.

“DAN BREAKFAST IS READY!”

Dan! Breakfast is ready!

Words echo through my head, there are so many mistakes I had created, so many problems, so many wrongs in that sentence. Dan. Breakfast is ready.

I remember getting up at 11am, and wanting to shoot her for waking me up so early… shoot her with a water gun of course. I remember trudging down, not bothering to change, I remember her placing the table with knives, forks and cups. She made coffee, pancakes and beacon. I remember her coming over and wrapping herself around, I see her hair in tangles, and her brown eyes staring at me as she gave me a kiss on the cheek. She’s so vivid, I can make out every detail from her face. Everything is just… just… clear.

“Daniel! Your eggs are getting coooold”

I blinked once in the mirror, and saw myself starring right back at myself, with one final look I pulled myself away and started to go down the hall.

“Yay! You’re finally awake, I hope you don’t mind but I added some cheese on the scrambled eggs, my mum used to make them with cheese, and well I just figured that you wouldn’t mind, sorry I am rambling” I heard a laughed, once I turned the corner, I saw Phil wearing my mum’s “Kiss the Cook” apron, his hands were occupied with a fork, and a bowl. His hair has some pancake mix on his quiff- wait he has a quiff? I must’ve looked at him confused, as he started to touch his hair and cracked a smile.

“Oh in the mornings I tend to get a quiff instead of my regular hairstyle” he explained, I nodded my head in understanding, and continued to examine the room. All my cupboards were open, pancake mix was all over my counter, the dishwasher was overflowing, some egg shells were on the floor, and overall it was just a plain mess. But overlooking all that, on my kitchen bar, there were two plates with pancakes, scrambled eggs, and some coffee next to the plates. I haven’t had a sit down breakfast since- well I haven’t had one in a while. I looked over back at Phil after I finished my starring, he was now blushing as he started to wipe down the counter.

“I’m really sorry for the mess! I’m just really clumsy, and just- yeah I don’t have an excuse. I’m just like this. I promise that I will start cleaning right away though!” he apologized, and started to rub his neck. Phil rubs his neck when he’s nervous. Good to know.

I continued to stare at him, as he started to clean up. I’m border lining stalkerish now, or maybe he thought I was angry. But just seeing him so flustered, and apologetic- for petes sake, he’s even on his knees picking up the egg shells.

I guess this is what having a best friend is like. Having someone staying over the night, making breakfast, not afraid to use everything in your kitchen to cook two things. To see him hurried, genuine, someone actually cares. That they are actually staying, and didn’t leave right away. Boy if my mom can see me now.

“Shut up”

“Excuse me?”

I grinned at him, as I took a seat on the bar, and took a sip from my coffee. I saw him poke his head up looking at me confused at why I made him stop rambling. I pat the seat next to me, he complied as he got up from his knees, and walked over to the seat. With a plop, he took a sip of his own coffee. And it felt nice. Him next to me, at twelve in the afternoon having breakfast, with my next door neighbors playing some kind of classic rock music. And in front of us was the horrid mess that I will hate to clean up. But in the meantime, it was just us eating breakfast. And I don’t know why this didn’t scare me, it was actually more of comfort, and understanding, but I realized something that day. Phil was clear, he was sharp, he made sense.

“The eggs are cold”

“Shut up"


	5. I have the owner to be your friend

Dan's POV:

It’s been going well with Phil if I’m being completely honest. I haven’t told anyone about him, which sounds kinda weird, but who do I have to tell? Other than my co-workers of course. It was like finally having a best friend again, and I was bound to make this one a secret. I figured if he was a secret than he wouldn’t leave, and there wouldn’t be pressure, confusion or mistrust. It could be just us.   
“Dan! Phil is here with lunch” called Louise. I worked with her today, usually she works only weekends, but today she worked on Wednesday, which was nice because it was the busiest time of the week. She had dropped the whole “aren’t you two a couple yet” crap by now, and claimed that she “was just so happy to see me happy”.   
“Coming!” I called back, I was currently trying to pick up all the sugar packages I managed to drop on the ground. I don’t understand why she asked me to unload the shipment, this was bound to happen. Instead of just staying and finished picking up the remaining sugar packets, I just used my foot and slid them away and walked outside.  
“Philly” I called out at him before I even saw his face, once he came into view, I cracked a grin as I saw him wearing his favourite rain jacket.   
“Danny!” he hollered back, and took out a brown bag from behind him, I raised an eyebrow as I gave Louise a “please cover for me for a sec” look, and gained an eye roll but nodded anyway.   
“Phil? What are you doing here? It’s not your turn to bring food” I raised an eyebrow again. See lately me and Phil have been complaining about eating the same food each day, so we designed a system, that once a week one of us would bring each other food, and the next week the other person would. I don’t know how it got to that, but I’m not complaining.   
“Well I found a really yummy bagel place, and I ate it today during break, and I was like holy shit this is so good, so I bought you one before my break is over” explained Phil, I took the bag from his hands and opened it slightly smelling the ham and cheese bagel.   
“Fair enough. Thanks, but you could have just waited until after work”   
“Yeah well too late now. Oh and I also came to ask you a question too, you don’t have to say yes but I was hoping maybe you would because see I’m in a stump and well-“  
“What is it Phil?”  
“Dan! I need you on the floor” I heard Louise call for me, and gave an apologetic smile at Phil before giving him a quick hug, which resulted him into hugging me back before I pulled away.   
“Can you text me the question? Sorry, it’s getting crowded” I explained, Phil nodded, and that was the last thing I saw him do as I gave a quick wave and turned around going to the work room to drop the bagel off.   
“Sure” whispered Phil, as he but his lip watching Dan retreat, he turned towards Louise giving a wave and stumbled out of the café.   
“Idiot. I can’t believe I was going to ask him that” muttered Phil shaking his head, and shooting a quick text to Dan saying “Nevermind, I was going to ask you if you wanted to hang out today after work but I forgot I have work :( ”  
Of course that was a lie, but Phil wasn’t going to tell Dan what exactly was his main job was, not the radio station one, but his youtube base. He didn’t exactly feel that comfortable yet.   
“Dan. Be honest with me. do you think I could make a youtube channel?” asked Louise, I looked over to her once the line began to die down and it was almost time for my shift to be over.  
“If you do, keep me out of it”  
“Why are you so against everything?”  
“I’m not against it, I just don’t want to be with youtubers, or like be in their videos”  
“Why not? I think they are pretty great, you can even be one!”  
“Louise stop it please. You should go for it if you want, but keep me out of it please”  
“Did you know a youtuber?”  
Did I know a youtuber. I knew one since 10th grade. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. She was amazing, cracked up jokes every time, she had a lot of viewers, it probably doubled since we left each other. I was in a lot of her videos, and I was there for her planning. I was there when she would stay up until late at night trying to figure what next to film, I was there when she was stressed, when she got cyber-bullied, and I was there when they started to “ship” us. How could they not? We lived together for years. Inseparable is what my mum called us, she was already calling her, “her daughter”. I was there when she made her first “autograph”, and I was there when she chose her job over me at the end. Of course we had arguments before then, and this was the breaking point, but youtubers can always chose their jobs and fans before their others.   
“I used too. She gave me a bad impression of other youtubers” I rolled my eyes, and with that, Louise dropped the subject. Youtubers was a heavy topic for me, I avoid it like the plaque, I deleted my account, I deleted all my social media accounts and made new ones. Because I don’t want thing to deal with her, or her fans.   
“Nevermind, I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out after work today but I forgot I have to work to do :( ” 

 

*Sorry it's so short! But I've been thinking how I wanted this story to go along, and I finally decided.


End file.
